I don't usually arrange sex via text message
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
