She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
