I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Let's get the cat blown out
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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