It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
