You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
