hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
