He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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