Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
