just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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