I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
