Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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