Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
