taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm always down for nudity.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
