We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
