I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
