As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
