I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
