Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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