dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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