remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
