she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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