I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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