someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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