I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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