dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
