i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
