I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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