i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
