Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
