I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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