yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize