We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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