Pants 0. Shit 1.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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