did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
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