We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
