Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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