Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
