Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
In America we eat man semen.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
