I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
