Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
