he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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