it hurts more in the daytime
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
