Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
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I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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