her vagine was all disorganized.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
