M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
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You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
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dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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