omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
