The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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