Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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