Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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