drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
