Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
