she woke up with a sticky ear
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
