I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
