when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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