forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
