I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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