before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
