I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
