and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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