That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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