When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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