I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
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i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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