Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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