My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
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We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize