why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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