the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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