I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
