I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
