I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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